Virtual Sticks and Stones…

If you can’t take the heat… You know how the rest goes. It can turn pretty nasty, pretty quickly, out on the wubbliyo wubbliyo wubbliyo – so poster beware!

An Internet Troll in action
An Internet Troll in action



Recently I wrote a piece about why no one should do what I do – Don’t be a Motoring Journalist – ‘so then instead, what is the alternative?’ I was asked by a few.

For those who just simply wouldn’t take ‘go get a proper job’ for an answer (Oh shit, I’m beginning to sound like an uncle innit – when did that happen? Somebody shoot me before I start hankering after an E200)


Oops, pull it back, now focus… so for those persistently pesky sorts, one suggestion was to try to do what I’m still trying to figure out how to do – become a YouTuber!

Grab a car, grab a camera… actually your phone will surely suffice… and get out there and film something. Then bang it up on the boobtube named You, sit back, and witness it rack up views faster than a Ferrari at full chat.

The numbers bring fame, the fame brings fortune, before long you buy your own McLaren and repeat the process. What a lark! It’s so easy, why didn’t I think of it before?

Money rich

Well it’s not easy actually. It’s really bloody hard. For all sorts of reasons well beyond the scope of today’s humble offering of ignorant wisdom.

One of the hardest aspects of Tubing, (you know apart from producing interesting witty content of an appropriate quality, editing it all up, harnessing a decent Kbps for upload, promoting it with evangelical fervour and self-belief, and then dreaming up and producing your next online Oscar-worthy creation) is being harassed by the haters.


Oh the wicked, wicked haters, hiding behind the anonymity of made-up abusernames. I know all about them, in fact I’ve previously highlighted their extraordinary skills, eloquent vocabulary and deep compassionate comprehension of the emotional triggers points of content creators – I jest of course. Read that rant right here, right now.

There’s nothing you can do about them, you just have to learn to live with the cutting commenters. It’s like when you have chewing gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, it’s too disgusting to interact with directly, and you look like a right pillock trying to scrape it off against a kerb, when all you’re really doing is pushing the gunk firmly and more tightly into the sole.


But recently I’ve read of cases where YouTubers have gone on the warpath, picked up the red phone, called the lawyers, set the police on haters and gone to the mall to buy a new laptop having smashed theirs in a fit of rage.

Three things I have to say to those folk: let the haters get to you like that and all that happens is you cause yourself a lot of pointless anxiety, tension and damage when you react by angrily swiping everything off your desk, and in the process breaking your favourite mug – you know the one that says Keep Calm and Drink Tea.


Needless to say, none of this commotion manages to cause any consternation, concern or concessive thoughts within the carefree commenter. The instigator is unbothered.

Secondly – haters are an inevitability, when you essentially put yourself out there in any sort of media outlet, particularly YouTube. Someone, somewhere, whether wretched and vindictive, jaded and jealous or subconsciously insecure, will unreasonably and unjustifiably, hate you for it.

Can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen

But as they say, if you can’t stand the heat, don’t go in the kitchen. Don’t light the stove, don’t go frying stuff, and certainly don’t start a cookery show on Boobtube! And most importantly of all – don’t hit the Public setting on your vid. Ever heard of ‘Unlisted’ – select that and no one will see the video unless you share the link with them.

And finally, number three – remember that little freedom of speech thing? Yeah that’s kinda important, especially in the place the world is at now. And by constantly going legal on stuff you don’t like, you contribute to a snowball effect that’ll clamp down on discord, which has a knock on impact of stifling opinion, which can curb creativity, and which means we all lose.

Talk to the hand

So if you get trolled big time, there’s a very easy out – ignore. If you are going to go loud, proud and Public with your carefully crafted content, then simply remember that your best response to haters is to just keep doing what you do!



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