Valentines day research data confirms high incidence of amorous activity with automobiles

As many as 55% of drivers surveyed by Auto Trader admitted to getting ‘intimate’ in their cars and giving the suspension a bit of a workout. Bizarrely, when broken down by gender, this rose to 61% of men – hang on, were they alone?

Meanwhile 1 in 10 of the 2000 people surveyed told the researchers to mind their own business and go commit indecent acts on themselves – although the language they used was probably a little more fragrant.

So where in the UK exactly is all this carnal activity causing such carmotion? Sunderland to a large extent, yes home to the Nissan factory, where drivers are so bored of Qashqais they’re getting X-rated with X-Trails. There 80% admitted to doing the deed in the car. And that’s no Juke… sorry.

Meanwhile Cardiff is the most decent at just 37% probably because they can’t get any privacy from all the tourists (18m a year) hanging around with snappy smart phones at the ready.

Without actually entering the shady realms of mechaphilia, the survey covered not just human to human adoration, but love between man and machine, or woman and wagon if you prefer.

Remarkably, as many as 64% admitted to being in love with their motor, though whether that manifested in a purely emotional bond or there was also something physical act involved, was not clarified.

What might be a little alarming, is that one in five actually confessed to loving their car more than their partner. 23% even said they would spend more money on the car than their partner – ouch!

Although this particularly aspect would not come as any surprise to the car modification, customisation and restoration community, who even as they read this, and in fear of their spouses, are trying to figure out how to disguise payment for parts as brothel bills.

But what might really cause you to crash into a hedge is the finding that 18% claimed they’d rather break up with their partner than sell their car.

Over 27% have given their cars affectionate pet names, unlike me and my first car, a 1979 Ford Cortina that also received a lot of epithets from me, none of which were affectionate or repeatable in a public forum.

When asked what they loved so much about their cars, 29% replied that it was the size that was significant – which kind of gives lie to what the fairer gender normally tries to convince us in order to console our fragile egos. Although I suppose there is the line from that song: ‘But my love is bigger than a Honda, it’s bigger than a Subaru. Hey man there’s only one thing and one car that will do…’ Ah, now it makes sense.

Further responses to the question of ‘why the car love’, were that 18% said it was the way it made them feel and 19% said it was because the car took them to places they’d never been before – again it wasn’t made clear whether that referred to the physical experience of travel and journeying, or whether it was an euphemism for some form of cargasm that could be the ultimate gearhead experience.  

The one group that I could definitely identify with, and which got my head nodding vigorously (yes the bit attached to my shoulders, what did you think?) was the 35% who regretted selling their old cars and missed them dearly. ‘To all the cars I’ve loved before….’

Anyway, this rather extensive and illicitly fascinating piece of pointless research also surveyed the troubling two thousand on which were the top 10 sexiest cars out there – see if you agree on these.

  1. Aston Martin DBS Superleggera
  2. Jaguar F-Type
  3. Aston Martin DB4
  4. De Tomaso P72
  5. Ferrari 812 Superfast
  6. Bugatti Chiron
  7. Ford Mustang 390 GT
  8. Chevrolet Corvette
  9. Mercedes-Benz S-Class Coupe
  10. Mercedes-Benz SL300 Gullwing

If you don’t agree with this list, do mention your ravishing rides in the comments as well as leaving anecdotal details of any extracurricular carnal carmotions of your own!

Also read 12 Most Romantic Rides – Brown Car Guy

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